


College Changes

by JustAnotherMaybe



Series: College Changes [2]
Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: AU, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-06-02 15:22:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19444171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherMaybe/pseuds/JustAnotherMaybe
Summary: Sam thought that college would be full of new faces, new opportunities, and new freedoms. That is, until he walked into his dorm room and saw two faces from his past.





	1. Major Choices

It was freeing, the thought of college. At least, it had been. Sam was no longer sure that college would be the massive change he had hoped for. Moving his things into his dorm, he was faced with how infinitesimal this massive change was - he’d hoped that he’d become instantly cool, confident, or even just collected. Instead, he was sweating, nervous, and a mess. Nothing had changed. He stared at the pride flag he so desperately wanted to hang. Instead of hanging freely from his wall, as unapologetic as it was beautiful, it was neatly folded, tucked into a drawer. It broke his heart, just like every boy he’d hoped to love. 

Being the only gay man in a small town had not been a pleasant experience. His mother and father had celebrated him, lauding his bravery. It seemed that everyone else celebrated having a target. Had he not had Becca Gelb, he would not have made it to college. He shuddered at the painful reality of how much he owed her. She had kept him sane, teaching him to say, “Not today.” Thanks to her, he had been able to have a tomorrow. 

He wondered who his roommate would be. He had one roommate, and then one suitemate. In between the two rooms was a bathroom, and a small space for a couch. It was spacious - bigger than he’d expected. He imagined he’d get sexiled to the couch at least once this semester. He wondered if he’d get to sexile anyone. 

He had a list of people that he did not want in his room. Aside from his brother, he had five people that he explicitly did not want rooming with him. In no particular order, they were Greg Dewey, Jason Alvarado, Clark Beecher, Luke Holbrook, and Gareth Visser. The first three, he didn’t want to continue to be bullied - three of the worst bullies of his school, they haunted his nightmares. Luke was often with Jason and Clark. He was quiet, but he kept loud company. Not that the noise would bother Sam - he couldn’t hear it anyway. He just didn’t want homophobia to control his room - it had spent too much time controlling his life already. 

Gareth Visser, also known as Grizz, was probably the top of the list. He was everything Sam hated - a partier, a jock, friends with Clark and Jason, a known ladies’ man. He was also everything Sam wished he could be - effortlessly smart, popular, influential, and fearless. Sam could barely handle the diving board, while Grizz had gone skydiving. Grizz was always nice to him - the kind of friendly that Sam didn’t believe he could trust. Grizz may have been an intellectual, but he was a jock. One of those identities was more important to Grizz, and Sam couldn’t risk befriending him if it he chose to immerse himself in the world of toxically masculine sports instead of the library. It was too risky. 

Sam’s phone started to vibrate – he was late for his advising meeting. He raced out the door, not entirely sure where he was going. He felt like that would be a theme in college.

***

The interpreter had also been late. Sam felt lucky to have access to an interpreter, finally. His high school had been too small to provide one, and his town was too small to have a school that specialized in educating deaf students. College, however, was already proving better in that regard. Sam was grateful the interpreter was late – it meant that he could get away with being late.

He got back to his room, only to find the room a bit more decorated. His roommate had moved in – no sign of who it could be, only that they had hung up posters. There were a few sports-related images, of both football players and women’s soccer players. Ugh – did this mean he’d be living with a jock?

There was also a bi pride flag in the corner. It wasn’t hung up yet. It wasn’t large, but it wasn’t hidden, either. It was a reassuring sign – maybe this meant that Sam could hang up his pride flag. Maybe this meant Sam could get to know his roommate better than he’d thought.

Had Sam been able to hear, he would have been able to hear voices from the other end of the suite. Across the shared room, in the single, stood two muscular men. Football players. They were both tall, easily over six feet at least. They looked around at the occupant’s room – it was well decorated. Stylish, but not ridiculous, especially for a dorm room. This was just a dorm room, after all.

A rainbow of colour decorated the walls. One of the boys had an eye for photography, and he had hung up many of his photos. Each photo had been done in black and white, with specific colours chosen to stand out – there was a space for each colour. They had been arranged specifically, with a goal in mind. The boys stared at the splattering of colours.

They walked back to the other side, to introduce themselves.

Sam stared – he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“You?”

“Wait, what?”

***

Luke and Sam both sat in silence as Grizz hung up the bi pride flag on the wall. Luke had just carried in a mini-fridge for them to use, and he appreciated Grizz’s help. The bi flag stood out beautifully against the plain, white wall. Sam couldn’t quite understand why it was there – Luke was dating his high school sweetheart, and he was the straightest jock possible.

Sam waited for Luke to turn to him, so that he could see the response.

“So, that’s a big flag.”

Luke nodded. He spoke quickly. Sam couldn’t catch anything of what the other boy had said.

“Slower.”

“What?”

Sam took a deep breath. “I can’t read lips if they’re moving too fast.”

A look of understanding washed over Luke’s face. He started over, speaking slower this time.

“Yeah, it’s a big flag. It’s a big part of who I am.”

Luke had not expected Sam to have an issue with his flag. He hadn’t really expected it to come up at all, actually. Although he’d never said anything publicly, both he and his girlfriend were bisexual. They were as committed to each other as humans are committed to the oxygen they needed to survive, so it had never come up before. That didn’t change the reality of his sexuality. Dating a woman didn’t invalidate his attraction to both men and women – surely Sam could understand that, right?

After a few more questions, Sam did understand it. He was confused, at first. He hadn’t really contemplated the fact that there had been other people that weren’t straight from his high school. He wondered who else had never talked about their sexuality – if Luke wasn’t straight, then anyone could have been gay.

Thinking for a second, Sam realized how strange it was that he was rooming with people from his old high school. People who had been on his list – he’d never told anyone that list, but still.

He decided that he wanted to hang up his pride flag. If Luke could be comfortable enough to showcase his secrets, then Sam could too. He reached into his drawer and began unfolding the beautiful rainbow. His suitemates watched, getting up to help put it up when Sam proved just a bit too short.

Sam hadn’t expected to have such a pure interaction with the people he’d known for years. He knew them as jocks, falling in line with the homophobia of the football team. They may have never spoken out against the team, but they had never stopped the abuse from happening, either. Sam had to wonder how much they knew, though. Given Luke’s truth, their silence no longer made sense.

***

“They used to fucking do what?”

The anger in Grizz’s voice blazed like a flame, mirroring the inferno in his eyes. This was the first time he had heard of what Dewey and Clark would sometimes do to Sam. Luke sat there, stormy and brooding. He hadn’t known. It bothered them both that neither knew. If there were 525,600 minutes in a year, then how many of them had Sam spent being tormented? How many had he spent crying? The jocks shared a look – there would be talks to be had. There would be wrongs to right.

Sam didn’t know how to process this fire. He didn’t understand how they didn’t know, but he could see that they regretted their ignorance. He hoped this meant that he’d not have to worry about that, here. Their rage promised Sam hope for a different future. Not only could he hang his pride flag, he had two suitemates who would fight for his right to see that flag wave. He didn’t know how to feel about that – it was the best news he’d ever had, really. That didn’t make it any less shocking or alien. The comfort of safety had not been his status quo. He didn’t know if it would be healthy to get used to it.

***

The boys sat sprawled out in the double. Having all done their first advising appointments, they all compared classes and majors. Sam was majoring in literature – he planned to become a librarian. He loved the power of books. He didn’t need an interpreter for books.

Luke was going to major in engineering. Sam had never seen Luke in an academic setting – he excelled in history, literature, and writing. He’d never taken the advanced math classes that Luke had taken, and he couldn’t comprehend the notion of surviving an AP science class. Luke was going to take physics, calculus, a general education requirement, and an introduction to writing. Sam had offered to edit his papers.

Grizz was unsure what he wanted to take. He’d signed up for Japanese, interested in reading haikus and other poems in the original language. He also had a class in philosophy during the French revolution, history of the Middle East, and a course on the evolution of the science of botany.

Grizz was also going to take ASL. After Luke had gone to sleep, and Sam and Grizz had gone to Grizz’s room, Grizz fumbled through incoherent motions. Grizz’s hands hadn’t learned how to sign yet.

“Am I supposed to understand that?”

“You can’t?”

“No. What are you doing?”

“Speaking gibberish, apparently,” said Grizz. He pulled a book off his desk. “I was trying to learn some signs from this book.”

“That’s BSL. I use ASL.”

Grizz stared at the book, a kind but frustrated grin on his face. “They’re different? Fuck, this was the only book I could find in the library back home.”

Sam wondered how Grizz planned on returning the book. He also wondered why Grizz had the book in the first place. “Why are you doing this? I can read lips, you know.”

“I wanted to be able to talk to you. In your language.”

The answer took Sam by surprise. He had never imagined that Gareth Visser, the perfect mix of jock and nerd, would try and learn something for him. No one had dedicated time to really learn ASL – his friends and family that could use it learned it either out of necessity or by constant exposure. But this boy, who’d taught his hands to throw perfect spirals and pen beautiful essays, was willing to force his fingers into new shapes, just to talk to Sam.

“This weird setup is just as much your home as it is Luke’s and my own. You shouldn’t have to do extra work just to talk to us. It sounds like we should have been there for you more in high school. We can’t fix that, but I can at least do this. For you.”

Sam couldn’t meet the other boy’s eyes. Instead, he decided to look around the room – it was his first time seeing the room’s beautiful detail. Grizz had chosen photos of things from their hometown – a wall dedicated to the town they’d fled. Sam couldn’t help but notice how colourful the black and white photos The coloured elements stood out against the grey, in a way that highlighted the beauty of both parts. In Grizz’s hands, Sam noticed that he’d checked the box for a double major. The first major was empty. The second major was ASL. Sam couldn’t believe it. The star quarterback wasn’t just going to learn a bit of sign language to make Sam feel more at home – he was going to take the time to complete an entire major in it?

Sam had never felt more special. It was a nice feeling. Sam realized that having Grizz stare at him, fully paying attention to everything Sam said, was a strange experience. He couldn’t help but worry that Grizz thought he spoke strangely – that’s what his brother had told him. According to Campbell, Sam’s voice sounded broken. He hoped that Grizz didn’t judge him for it.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak well.”

He didn’t know he’d said it until he felt his mouth close again. It was random, and it didn’t fit the conversation – it was a fear that blurted itself out. “Fuck,” thought Sam.

Grizz looked at him, concerned. He raised his hands, forming the first sign Sam could recognize. _Bullshit_. “It’s the only sign I know, apparently,” said Grizz.

“I think you speak really well,” he continued. He paused, before going further. “I like listening to you speak. It’s calming.”

Sam had never had someone compliment his speaking. Sam had never had a boy learn sign language for him – even if he was straight. Sam had never had football players realize the toxicity of the team, get angry for him. He didn’t know what any of this meant, but he felt comfortable in his new home.

The two boys continued to talk, not really discussing anything, and yet the discussed everything, as well. Sam hadn’t realized it, but the photos on Grizz’s wall had been arranged with a goal in mind. They didn’t talk about it, but they discussed Grizz’s love for photography. Becca also loved photography. Sam didn’t see the significance of the colours on the wall, but he appreciated the beauty in the art.

Luke got up to go to the restroom at four in the morning. As he walked towards the boys’ shared restroom, he couldn’t help but smile. Sam and Grizz were sitting across from each other, talking about their favourite authors. Behind them, illuminated by small lights, were Grizz’s photos. The two boys continued their conversation, with the coloured portions of the photos coming together to form a bigger picture. From the doorway, Luke watched as the two boys continued to chat, a softly illuminated pride flag as their backdrop.


	2. Contractually Obligated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys had to write their roommate contract. Sam hoped it would go well - what if they wrote something stupid?

Sam swiped into his room, glad to be home. He was still getting used to calling the space he shared with Luke and Grizz “home,” but they had done everything in their power to make sure it was a home for him. He had woken up to Luke moving some of his furniture, to create a more open space – his laptop had an article on accessibility for Deaf people open. He was researching. Grizz always made sure that there was light on, somewhere in their little complex. He wanted to make sure that it would be bright enough for Sam to read lips, or for one of the boys to watch Sam sign.

On his bed, he found the “roommate contract.” An ugly, yellow piece of paper, outlining all the rules and responsibilities that the three would agree to over the course of their time together. There were three main sections – _Rules for the Room_ , _Responsibilities for the Roommates_ , _Rules for Guests_. Scribbled on the back, he found a fourth category. _Ban List_.

There were already three names written underneath that heading.

***

Clark and Jason had not expected the atmosphere that they were walking in to, as they went to visit their friends. They knocked on Grizz’s door, and he opened it. He had questions for them, and he needed to understand things. Things that made his blood boil.

He called out for Luke, and the three of them sat in Grizz’s room. There was a small futon and two chairs in his room – it was better for hosting guests. The two jocks admired how visually pleasing Grizz’s room was. He had always been artsy, and it showed on the walls of his room.

Clark was the first one to speak – his friends had been oddly quiet. Clark wasn’t particularly observant, but the silence was awkward. Even he knew that. “So, who’s the third guy with you all?”

“About that,” said Luke. “It’s Sam Eliot. From high school. He said you guys had been fucking dicks to him. What the hell?”

“That homo? Yeah, everyone was a dick to him. Who else were we gonna pick on?”

“Hey,” barked Grizz. “Language.”

“Mad I said dick? What the fuck, man?”

“Homo. That’s what he’s yelling at you for,” Luke explained.

“Since when have you cared about that gay shit?”

That was the least contentious part of the conversation. For the entire four-hour long accessibility lecture that he had to attend, Luke and Clark took turns screaming at each other. Clark had never seen Luke so furious. Jason never opened his mouth – he was too terrified to get words out. Jason had seen this fire on the football field before – there, at least, Luke would tackle others. Jason worried he would tackle them.

***

Sam stared at the three names that Grizz and Luke had written.

_Greg Dewey_

_Jason Alvarado_

_Clark Beecher_

When he finally had time to ask about the names, it was dinner. Luke had gotten takeout for the boys – he found a Chinese restaurant, and he desperately missed Helena’s dad’s cooking. The food wasn’t as good as Mr. Wu’s food, but it was still fantastic. Sam had never had Chinese food before, and he wasn’t sure what to expect. He liked the orange chicken.

“So, I see you two started filling out the contract without me,” said Sam. It wasn’t accusatory – if anything, it was almost a question.

“Yeah,” said Grizz. “Clark and Jason stopped by, and when they didn’t say they were going to apologize for how they treated you, we decided they weren’t allowed back.”

Sam was shocked. These boys continued to break all of his expectations – he had never, in a million years, considered that they would be willing to do something like that for him. They banned their own best friends, for him.

“But you two were friends with them, right?”

“Not if they’re not going to change,” said Grizz. There was a seriousness in his eyes that promised Sam how dedicated these two boys were to making sure he had a better college experience. If the first two days were a sign of what was to come, then maybe Sam could find himself getting comfortable here, after all.

***

The next morning, the boys sat down to create rules.

Grizz proposed the first rule. “I know it doesn’t really matter, but we should make it a rule that the bathroom is gender-neutral.”

It was their bathroom – they could use it however they wanted. It was the symbolism of the rule that mattered. None of the boys knew anyone who’d outed themselves as trans or nonbinary, but they agreed that it was important to create the space, even if it never got used.

They agreed that the doors to each other’s rooms would never be locked. Helena was allowed to come over whenever, but she was only allowed to spend the night on weekends – Sam would sleep on Grizz’s futon, instead of the couch in their hallway. Grizz asked him what kind of pillows and blankets he liked.

Becca was allowed over with the same rules as Helena. Sam didn’t know if she’d be sleeping at their place much, but he was glad that they were willing to let her. He’d spent a lot of time sleeping on her floor, and she made him feel calm. These boys were also starting to make him feel calm.

They agreed that it was a responsibility to make sure that the lighting was adequate for talking to Sam. Grizz hat bought lamps the day before, and they set them up all over their little compound. Most of them went in the windows, and they ran off solar power. How environmentally conscious of him.

By the end of the second hour, all of the boys were in agreement – they signed the contract, and it was done.

***

Campbell came over one morning, unannounced. Sam wasn’t sure how he got in to the dorm building, but there he was. When Sam opened the door, he was suddenly face-to-face with the Devil. Anything that the boys at school had called him or done to him, Campbell had found a way to make worse.

He pushed Sam backwards, staring at the rainbow and bisexual pride flags. “Fucking queer fuckers,” he said.

“What are you doing here,” Sam signed.

“I wanted to stop by, see my _dearest_ little brother,” he said. Sam knew that he could sign, but Campbell preferred to speak. It made Sam’s life just a little bit harder.

“Yeah, well. I’m here. You can go now.”

Campbell grabbed Sam’s arm – his grip was tight. It hurt. “Actually, I don’t think I will. You know that money Mom and Dad gave you? Where is it?”

Sam didn’t know. His parents had given him an envelope, but he hadn’t opened it yet. It had a letter from his parents, that they’d told him to open after his first week. He didn’t know it had money in it.

“I don’t know,” Sam choked out.

Sam saw the door open. Luke and Grizz stood there, towering over both boys. “Get the fuck out, Campbell.”

The older brother whipped around and found himself facing a wall of muscle, letting go of Sam in the process. Campbell could take Sam – make him do what he wanted. Sam was smaller, and he was weak. Two well trained football players were another story.

“Ah, boys. Good to see you!”

Luke stared at Sam, looking past Campbell. Grizz pulled out his phone, and sent a text.

“I believe I said get out. What part of that did you not understand?”

Campbell didn’t know what to do. The boys were in the room now, one on either side of him. This was not the position he’d expected himself to be in.

“Are you seriously trying to protect this worthless piece of shit,” he said, pointing to Sam.

“Are you stupid enough to think we won’t?”

As Campbell was about to respond, a tall blonde woman walked through the open door. “I’m sorry, is there a problem here?”

Campbell turned to her – she was small. He could make her do things. He was threatening. “Fuck off, princess.”

Cassandra stared at her cousin, knowing that he didn’t recognize her. She’d gone from short, chubby, and less than conventionally attractive to a tall, lean, graceful fighting machine. She hadn’t seen Campbell in years, but that didn’t mean she didn’t remember watching him try and hurt Sam.

“Campbell, I’m the RA for this floor. You’ve got five seconds to get out of this building before I call campus security.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Five.”

“Four.”

“Three.”

And he was gone.

“Sorry that it took me so long to get here,” she said.

She and Sam talked for a bit – Grizz wasn’t sure what about. Apparently, they were related. He was in his room, pen in hand, staring at the contract. The fresh ink, in his beautiful cursive, dried quickly.

He brought the contract back over to the other room. Luke was on edge, standing by the door. Standing guard.

“Hi Cassandra,” Grizz said. “I believe we owe you one of these?”

He handed her the paper. She looked it over – on the back, Sam could see a new name had been added to the Ban List.

 _Campbell Eliot_.


	3. Splashes of Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Becca didn't trust that Sam would be safe with the boys. She remembered high school.

Sam hadn’t asked for the boys to ban Campbell, but he slept easier knowing that they didn’t want him around. He was shocked at how easily he could trust them – it was almost as if the flag that Grizz had hung for Luke had erased all of his distrust.

Becca wasn’t nearly as convinced. She remembered the football players who’d shoved Sam into lockers, who’d made him wonder why he bothered waking up in the morning. She knew them as the enemy. She couldn’t believe Sam was willing to pretend that these two boys, who’d stood by as Sam was treated inhumanely, would be willing to give Sam the time, let alone protect him from Campbell or learn to sign for him.

“There is no way they just had a sudden change of heart.”

Sam stared at his friend. He knew that she didn’t believe that the boys were different. “They banned Jason and Clark from going near the room. Grizz is majoring in ASL. Besides, they never did anything in high school. I don’t even remember them being there.”

Sam always knew when Grizz and Luke were around, when he’d been in high school. It was hard not to notice either of them; Grizz was tall, broad, and his smile radiated warmth. Luke, a bit more traditionally handsome, walked with the distinct gait of someone who’d been tackled too many times. His eyes were friendly, even when his friends were not. Yes, he was probably going to marry Helena one day, but that didn’t mean Sam hadn’t watched him in the cafeteria. Sam definitely had spent more hours wondering what Luke and Grizz were doing with such assholes before – Grizz didn’t fit in, more than Luke failed to fit in. Sam was glad he had found a friendship with Luke – and while he was jealous of Helena, he was more jealous of the women who made Grizz smile.

His emotions were complicated. He didn’t want to deal with them – ever, really. Sometimes he hoped even the good ones would go away. It would make his life a bit easier. Crushes on guys that he’d thought to be straight were already punishment enough for being gay, the protesters at Pride events really had to up their game if they were going to actually hurt, Sam found. Besides, hell was called high school. He’d already been there.

“Wait, Grizz is majoring in ASL? Why the fuck would he do that?”

“He said he wanted to talk to me.”

“You can read lips. You can speak.”

“No shit, Sherlock. He said that he didn’t think it was fair that I’d have to lip read at home though. I should be able to feel at home in my own room, or something.”

Becca sat there, chewing her lip. That was not the response she’d expected. In fact, that was almost sweet. She looked around at Sam’s room – realizing for the first time that there were two different pride flags hanging on the wall. One above each bed.

“Why is the bi flag on Luke’s side?”

“Maybe because I put it up,” Luke said with a wink. He stood in the doorway, Helena just behind him. “Sorry if I’m interrupting you guys, we can sit in the couch room. That’s what they called their little hallway - they’d change the name to the TV room, once they decided who should pay for the television.

Becca turned to him, the look of confusion evident on her face. Sam knew the answer, but he hadn’t planned on outing someone else. He knew how awful that felt, and it hurt to remember when he realized Campbell had done it to him. He was drastically different from his brother. He fought to be different.

“Ok, but why?”

Helena laughed. “Maybe I like girls just as much as I like guys,” he said. Helena gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“And I can’t say we didn’t both check out women at prom,” she added, laughing.

That was not the answer Becca was expecting. The most religious girl in the school and the best football player in the school weren’t straight?

“Besides, even if neither of us were bi, we’d still show support. We’ve got a trans flag hanging outside of our bathroom, that doesn’t mean anyone here is trans.”

It was true – Luke and Grizz had hung up another pride flag. They didn’t have plans to hang any more, but they did want to make it clear that they were going to accept anyone for who they were. Unless, apparently, they had bullied Sam. That bar should have been lower, and yet Luke and Grizz had functionally cut themselves off from everyone they’d been close to, in the past.

Becca could not process the information she was being given. Luke was bi, Helena was bi, there were multiple pride flags hanging around, and Sam was safe. This was not at all what she was expecting.

Luke and Sam both watched her entire understanding of the world crumble down. Luke laughed. “Want to see something even crazier? Follow me.”

Becca got up, as confused as possible. What could be crazier than the amount of support these boys were giving to Sam?

Luke opened the door to Grizz’s room. He sat there, on his bed, a philosophy book sitting in front of him. He was shirtless. Sam couldn’t help but appreciate the sight. He hid his muscles well under baggy clothing – an aesthetic Sam desperately wished he would change.

“Hey guys,” Grizz said, cheerily. It hadn’t crossed his mind to put on a shirt. Sam hoped it never crossed his mind. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to show them something. Light the wall up?”

“Sure thing,” Grizz said. He reached over to a switch, and Luke dimmed the overhead lights. Suddenly, the same flag that had watched over Sam and Grizz’s first real conversation together lit up. Sam hadn’t realized it, but the individual images came together to form the true picture. He wondered if he was tearing up – he certainly was moved. He stood in the doorway, looking at the massive, stunning rainbow pride flag that Grizz had created with his artwork. He had never seen anything like it.

***

“Did you see that? That flag was amazing,” signed Becca.

They sat in the couch room, alone again. Grizz had started to strum away at his guitar, playing a lullaby from his childhood to no one in particular. Luke and Helena were in the shared room, with the door open. They were keeping things PG, at least for welcome week.

“Yes,” responded Sam. He didn’t know how to feel, having seen the massive pride flag on Grizz’s wall. It had taken so much care, and he had surely spent hours working to make sure each individual image fit together. He had genuinely created a masterpiece – Sam couldn’t help but imagine a piece like that hanging in the room he would one day share with his husband. It was romantic and beautiful, and Sam wanted someone to treat him with the same care that Grizz had while making that.

“I’ve never seen anything like it! It was so beautiful, and can you imagine how long he spent on it?”

“I don’t know if it’s possible. How did he get it to come together like that?”

Sam looked into Grizz’s room. The man was shirtless, holding a guitar, and smiling as if he were looking at a baby animal. He looked up, and his eyes were the colour of the hot cocoa that Sam drank at Christmastime. He met Sam’s gaze, not saying a word, and he watched as Sam took in the beauty of the situation. He gave Sam a smile, before going back to playing the song that Sam so desperately wished he could hear.

Sam never wished he could hear. He was perfectly content with the life he lived, and he wouldn’t change it if he could. He loved his world, and he didn’t need to change himself to be at peace with himself. Becca had taught him to see the beauty in the world, and in himself. In this moment, though, he wanted desperately to hear Grizz’s song.

Becca watched as Sam stared – she was going to have a lovesick puppy on her hands. She just knew it. She wondered why Grizz had hung that installation – had he known that Sam would be living with him and wanted to be supportive, or had he chosen to hang the photos for his own benefit? Was it to out himself as an ally, or was it to out himself as something left of straight?

***

Sam had told her not to ask anyone about it. He wanted to know if Grizz was potentially interested in men, but he didn’t want to ask. It would be a secret – a secret that would torment him, but not a secret that he needed to be privy to. He understood the terror of coming out – he was not going to trigger that in his roommate. He wondered if Luke knew – again, not a question he would ever ask.

Becca didn’t care that Sam didn’t want to ask. She needed to know – was Sam going to fall in love with a straight boy who would never feel the same, or was there a chance? Or, even worse still, was Sam going to fall in love with a queer boy who’d never love him or feel the same?

She started by texting Helena.

_Becca: Hey, I know we don’t talk much but I have a really weird question_

_Helena: Shoot, what’s up?_

_Becca: So, I am worried Sam may start crushing on Grizz and then have to deal with the whole crush on a straight guy thing_

_Helena: Tbh Idk if I’m the best person to talk to. Luke would know more, but we have never talked about it_

That wasn’t going to be a helpful, she realized. She tried several other women that Grizz was known to be friends with – women he’d been to prom with, women he was suspected of having slept with, women he knew in general. Each one failed to answer the question – the closest she’d gotten to an answer was that Grizz had slept with someone, but he hadn’t seemed into it. That wasn’t an answer.

She thought about texting Luke, but she knew that it wasn’t the best option. She would never text Grizz – she knew that she shouldn’t have been texting people at all, and she knew Sam would be livid if he found out.

***

Sam was beyond livid. Becca had no right to do that. After she’d confessed to him, she hadn’t heard from him for five days. Classes had already started by the time he finally texted her again. Even when he was angry with her, he knew he needed her. They were practically joined at the hip – he felt incomplete when he didn’t have her to talk to.

_Sam: Hey_

_Becca: Are you done being mad at me?_

_Sam: Yes. Kinda. I think. It was really shitty to do that._

_Becca: Yeah, I know. I didn’t even find anything out, I just made an ass of myself_

_Sam: You do that anyway_

Becca felt relived. They were back on talking terms. That was good – she needed him too. As she sat in the library, staring off at someone on the other side of the library, she realized she had something to tell him.

_Becca: Sam, what would you do if I told you I was mildly in love with a girl I’ve never spoken to? She’s on the other side of the library and I thought I was straight but also… hot fucking damn_

Sam very quickly went from being the only LGBT person he knew, to having three bi friends and an ambiguous one. All from his high school.

***

Grizz found his ASL class to be hard. He tried the best he could, but he knew that he was floundering. He wanted to be good – he wanted to impress Sam. Sam spent so much time and energy reading lips, and Grizz felt like he should him a chance to relax.

That being said, Grizz needed a tutor. He could barely spell his name after the second day, and the teacher was not interested in waiting for those who’d taken the class for an easy grade. ASL was important, it was valid, and it was not going to be some easy A.

Grizz always knocked before entering Sam and Luke’s room, even though the door was always open. Sam thought it was very polite of him.

“Hey Sam,” Grizz said, speaking slowly.

“What’s up, Grizz?”

“So, you know my ASL class,” said Grizz. “It’s really hard. The teacher is moving really quickly, and I don’t think I’m going to do very well. I was wondering, would you be willing to tutor me? Maybe? I can try and pay you, or something, but I really need help. You’re the only one I know who could help me.”

Sam thought for a moment. There were a lot of things Sam would have loved to help Grizz with – none of them particularly innocent. He had never even considered that Grizz would need help with something academic – the jock had always done better than he had. Part of Sam wanted to say no – it would be nice to know more than Grizz, for a change. The other part of him knew that he couldn’t say no. He wanted to spend more time with Grizz, and he would take whatever opportunity he could to know him.

“Have you learned the signs for ‘yes’ and ‘no’,” Sam asked.

Grizz made a shaky ‘yes’ and smiled. It wasn’t perfect – it wasn’t a hard sign, but it was still a new motion.

“Are you left-handed?”

Grizz signed ‘yes’ again.

“Ok, that’s ok,” said Sam. He raised his hand into a fist, with his thumb next to his pointer finger, instead of wrapped over his fingers. He shook his hand two times – a yes. Sam was about to tutor the mystery man with the rainbow wall. He wasn’t sure if he was excited, or if he was terrified. But he had alone time with Grizz, and that was all that mattered.


	4. Strumming Away

College did not take as much getting used to as Sam expected. The first three weeks flew by – Sam went to class, he tutored Grizz, and he spent time with his friends. He found himself falling into a pattern, comfortable with the way his days were used.

He loved his time tutoring Grizz. Grizz was as ridiculous as he was endearing – Sam had never realized what a goofball the football player had been. Grizz had seen high school through very different eyes, but he would sometimes mention how he’s seen Sam in the hallway. Sam liked the thought of Grizz looking for him in the hallways – it made him giddy, like a middle schooler with a crush.

Grizz learned quickly. He attributed his success to Sam’s skill as a teacher. Sam, on the other hand, knew that Grizz would spend hours in his room studying – within the first two weeks of tutoring, Grizz and Sam had covered the topics that would be covered for the semester. Sam had always known Grizz was smart, but he had never fully comprehended how thirsty for knowledge he was. Sam was thirsty, but for different reasons.

“You feel ready for your test,” Sam asked.

Grizz signed back a confident ‘yes’ – watching his confidence grow had been Sam’s favourite part of tutoring. Grizz had come out of his shell, and he would sign with Sam whenever he could. He soaked up the knowledge, making it a part of his daily life. He couldn’t help but wonder if Grizz was the same with Japanese.

“How are the rest of your classes going?”

Grizz smiled, staring at nothing. Sam wished he would stare at him. “They’ve been going well! Japanese is hard, but I really like it. The other two classes are really interesting as well. It’s been so much fun, so far.”

“Is Japanese class like your ASL class?”

Sam had always wanted to learn a third language, but ASL and English were enough for him. Now, knowing that Grizz was taking two language classes at once, Sam wondered what he was missing out on.

“Yes and no. ASL class doesn’t really focus on the writing, so much. We spent a long time on learning the writing parts for Japanese – and that’s without all the characters from China. Adding those in will make it even better! I really like it, too.”

“How would you write my name?”

Grizz sat for a second, thinking about it. He took out a pen and grabbed a scrap of paper.

サム・エイリーオーテ

“I think that’s how you’d do it, anyway.”

***

Becca loved visiting the Rainbow Roomies, as she called them. She spent more time there than she did in her own dorm – she was also rooming with Gwen, a girl they had gone to school with. She was dating Clark, and he was always over. “The sexile is real, you guys,” Becca had once told them. The boys amended the contract – the TV room’s couch was officially designated as her backup space.

Sam had only slept on Grizz’s futon a handful of times since the semester had started. Helena and Luke were typically pretty respectful of Sam’s space – sometimes, however, they got a bit preoccupied with studying human anatomy. He didn’t mind. Those nights, he signed with Grizz late into the night. He’d never admit it, but sometimes he liked to watch the ex-jock who smiled in his sleep. Sam was amazed at the beauty of a sleeping Grizz.

He desperately wanted to know if Grizz was gay – if not gay, was he at least interested in men in some capacity? Sam wanted to have a chance with the other boy. He had fought how severely he had a crush on Grizz, but, after the night with the guitar, Sam couldn’t pretend he wasn’t falling for the taller boy.

It had started out innocently enough. Grizz had been playing the guitar, while Sam worked on homework for his government class. He had been staring at Grizz, like usual. He tried to be discrete, but Grizz was observant.

“What’cha staring at?”

Fuck. Sam didn’t want to say ‘you’ – he wasn’t ready to open that can of worms. “The guitar,” he lied. He was not going to tell Grizz that he was staring at his muscles, and he definitely wasn’t going to tell Grizz that he was appreciating how amazing he looked without a shirt. Sam couldn’t risk giving Grizz the idea that shirts were a good idea.

A look of realization flashed across Grizz’s face. “Oh shit, you can’t hear it, can you? I’m such an idiot, sorry.”

“You don’t have to stop,” said Sam. He hoped Grizz would keep going – he liked watching Grizz’s muscles flex as he played.

Grizz seemed to contemplate this for a moment. Sam had learned within a handful of days how to predict Luke – Grizz, however, was a lot less easy. Grizz motioned for Sam to join him on the bed, which Sam gladly obliged. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious how glad he was to get on Grizz’s bed. He wanted to be in Grizz’s bed, preferably with Grizz there too, but he could settle for sitting on top of the bed.

Grizz handed him the guitar and told him to hold it so that his hands were in the right spots. Sam couldn’t hear the instrument – what was he supposed to do with this? Unless Grizz was going to do a photo shoot, Sam and instruments didn’t mix.

“I was reading that Deaf people can feel the vibrations. Try strumming something.”

Sam was shocked to feel the notes he was playing reverberate throughout the instrument. He couldn’t hear it, but Grizz was right – he could feel it. The notes felt different, and he found that certain combinations didn’t pair together well.

Over the course of the night, Sam learned how to play the basics. Grizz was proud – Sam was not known for his adventurous streak, and yet here he was, trying something new.

“Why don’t you play me a song?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one is a lot shorter than I've been writing usually but I still really like the Grizzam interactions here <3


	5. Summertime Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam loves the summer, but it doesn't last forever.  
> //  
> Sam is bad with emotions.

Summer lasted longer than Sam expected. It might have been that the temperature was warmer than it had been previous years, but it could have also been the amount of warmth he felt at home. Summer had always meant freedom and enjoying the warm company of his friends away from school and home and the coldness of problems.

In the winter, he was trapped in the classrooms, and he was trapped at home. He was isolated in his gayness, and isolated in his deafness, and he felt like every moment was in a blizzard. He would have moments where he’d escape, laughing at Becca’s dining room table, but the winter was always brutal. When Campbell came home, everything got worse – Campbell sucked the life from Sam, feeding off of his unhappiness.

He loved the summers, where he’d escape for weeks at a time to his friends’ homes. The cold came back whenever he stepped into his house, Campbell watching TV on the sofa, back from college – but that cold was temporary. Just like the warmth of winter.

As the seasons started to change, Sam couldn’t shake the feeling of it being an endless summer. Every time he tutored Grizz, it reminded him of laying out at a pool. When Grizz taught him guitar, or showed him something important, or even smiled in his direction, it felt like the first day of summer, all over again. Sam loved seeing the butterflies in summer – he could feel them flying around his body every time he talked to Grizz.

***

Before he knew it, it was October. He had been doing well in all of his classes, and Campbell had officially left him alone – Grizz or Luke made sure that they were always around, in case Campbell showed up. It wasn’t until Clark and Jason threatened to break his face, as they’d said, that he actually left Sam alone though. They had turned to Sam, awkwardly apologized, and then went back to their lunches.

They still didn’t come near the room, but they would sometimes buy Sam a drink or a snack. He saw them looking around for Campbell in the school cafeterias, even after he’d decided it was too much hassle. It was surprising, but Sam appreciated them. He’d wave them over to sit with him, and eventually, it became normal for Sam, Grizz, Luke, and the other two boys to get lunch together. It was pleasant.

One day, after sitting down with their chicken nuggets, Clark asked, “Are you all thinking about going to that dance thing?”

The school hosted a Freshman Fall Dance – one of the many random, somewhat awkward attempts at making students feel welcome.

Luke said, “Yeah, I’m going with Helena. She got me a tie to wear and everything.”

Sam had seen the tie – he’d actually helped pick it out. Helena had chosen a dress that mixed all the colors of the bisexual flag into one beautiful dress, and he had helped find a tie that matched the pattern. It wasn’t a clear declaration of either party’s sexuality, based on how the colors came together, but it was still visibility Sam appreciated.

“I’m probably going to go with Gwen,” Clark said.

Becca had asked Sam if he wanted to go and make fun of how ridiculous it was. He wanted to go with Grizz, but he’d already told her yes. “I’m going with Becca. For the laughs,” he said. He hated speaking, but he felt comfortable around them. They wouldn’t judge him – not anymore.

He couldn’t tell what Grizz’s reaction was. It almost seemed like he was disappointment, but it was gone in a second. Sam hated himself for hoping it was disappointment. “Are you going to go, Grizz?”

“I’m thinking about it. This girl from my Japanese class asked me if we wanted to go and just be idiots, and I think that could be kinda fun,” he said.

The conversation continued, but Sam could hear his heart break. Not only was Grizz going with someone else, he was going with a girl. Sam knew that he was going with a girl, but Becca was his best friend. Grizz had never mentioned this other girl, and what if she liked him?

***

Grizz and Sam sat across from each other, practicing sign like they often did. Sam was distracted, though, and it was obvious. He was mad at Grizz, but he was mad at himself, as well.

“Hey, did I do something wrong,” Grizz asked.

Sam wanted to say yes. He wanted to yell at Grizz for breaking his heart, but Grizz didn’t deserve that – he wasn’t guilty for anything other than being perfect. “No, it’s just been a long week. Haven’t slept much.”

Sam couldn’t help that he wasn’t sleeping well. He closed his eyes, and he saw a faceless woman kissing Grizz. Those dreams haunted his sleep, leaving him restless and sad. Worse yet were the dreams were Grizz kissed him – those left him broken and lonely. Grizz wasn’t to blame, but he was too addictive for Sam to continue spending time with.

“Hey Grizz, I think you’ve learned a lot. Maybe you don’t need lessons anymore.”

“What do you mean? I can barely say anything still,” Grizz said. There was confusion in his eyes.

“No, you’re getting really good. You don’t really need me anymore,” said Sam. He’d practiced this enough to say it without crying.

“Oh.”

Sam watched as the confusion turned to pain. He knew Grizz didn’t understand. Grizz’s phone lit up, and Sam peered over the phone to see what the texts were.

_みちこ：今日は宿題どう？難しい？_

_グリズ：いいえ_

_みちこ：すごいだね_

_みちこ：今日は何をする？_

_グリズ：友達とアメリカサインランゲージを勉強する_

_みちこ：好きな友達？_

_グリズ：ええ～_

_みちこ：可愛いだね～～～～名は何？_

_グリズ：サム_

The newest text, coming in from… someone? Sam couldn’t read Japanese. He had no clue what it said, other than his name showed up – he recognized. Grizz had shown him that. He couldn’t help wondering how much time Grizz spent practicing with this person – was it more than Sam had spent on ASL?

_みちこ：グリーザムだね！！！！一緒に踊りたい？？？？写真？？？クラスで_ _omg_ _ごめんなさい！！！_

Sam didn’t find that much help. He quickly signed goodbye, and he left the room. Grizz sat there, confused, on the floor, and alone.

***

“What the fuck,” Grizz asked, to nobody in particular.

He sat there, alone, unhappy, and really confused. He had been signing with Sam, and things had seemed great – Sam seemed less into it than before, but he was still signing with him. He knew Sam had seen his texts, but Grizz didn’t care.

Michiko was a native Japanese speaker, who had decided she wanted to take an easier class. She was studying actuarial sciences and neuroscience. Grizz thought she was insane – and she sort of was.

When Grizz had first walked into the classroom, he saw that she was sitting alone. He walked up to sit next to her, and she turned to him and said something in Japanese. It was fluent, beautiful, and terrifying. Grizz stood there, confused. “Okay, wait one second. I’ll finish this class and come back with a time machine,” he said.

They sat next to each other every day after that. They were really good friends – Michiko reminded him of Becca. He guessed that made him Sam.

After two nights straight of drinking wine and talking, he knew everything about her. She had moved to the United States at fourteen, because her father had gotten a different job. She had forgotten almost all of her written Japanese, but she thought the class was easy. She liked watching anime, but she hated the culture of anime on the campus – the other guys made her feel uncomfortable. She had never dated anyone before. She made jokes about growing up in the closet as a means of explaining her impeccable style. Her family didn’t know she was a lesbian – she hadn’t known it was even an option until she turned sixteen and saw two women kiss in a movie. She knew she’d always wanted to do that, but she didn’t know that was something people were allowed to do. Her parents were supportive of LGBTQ causes, but she still felt uncomfortable discussing it with them. She had wanted to be a writer when she was a child – Grizz told her that she should pursue her dreams.

She knew almost everything about Grizz, as well. He didn’t share as much, but he would still tell her about most things. Grizz had never commented on his sexuality, but he’d very openly talked about having liked one of his roommates. He told her that he’d avoided talking to him in high school, because he wasn’t sure he was ready to acknowledge that he felt the way he did. She learned that he had always admired Sam, because he couldn’t think of anyone braver. Sure, Sam may not like the high dive, but that hadn’t stopped him from plunging into the world of being out in a small town. Grizz thought that couldn’t have been easy – it wasn’t something he had ever tried.

Grizz looked at his texts from her.

_Michiko: How’s today’s homework? Hard?_

_Grizz: Nope_

_Michiko: Awesome_

_Michko: What are you doing today?_

_Grizz: I’m studying ASL with my friend_

_Michiko: The one you like??_

_Grizz: Yeah~_

_Michiko: Cuuuuute! What’s his name?_

_Grizz: Sam_

_Michiko: Grizaaaaaam! Are you two going to dance together? You’re in class OMG sorryyyyyyyyy_

He thought about what he should text back. He glanced outside the window, and he noticed the trees had started to change color. They were going from their vibrant green to a beautiful red – as much as Grizz loved the change of seasons, it made him sad.

It meant that summer was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bit more on the sad side, and I don't know how long it will take me to get back to the happier end, but I don't really want to stop writing tonight until things get back to being good between them???
> 
> There's a chance I may just like spend four hours writing today and updating this story? I also have to work on the other story... 
> 
> ALSO Thank you to everyone who's been following this story and commenting and subscribing I love you all / appreciate you all / you are all amazing


	6. Call Me, Beep Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Becca realizes that maybe, Sam messed up.
> 
> //
> 
> Drunk Grizz and a confused Becca

The guys sat in Luke’s room, getting ready. Grizz was nowhere to be found. That had been happening more and more, recently. He no longer waited for Sam to teach him new signs, and he sometimes skipped the group lunches they did every day. Sam asked Luke about it – Luke said he had personal stuff.

Sam worried that he’d been too harsh, ending things with Grizz the way he had. He hadn’t really realized it, but it felt like he’d walked away from a friendship. He talked about it to Becca, a lot. He replayed the conversation they’d had before he’d left her room to come get ready, for the third time that week. 

“Did you ever talk to him about it,” Becca asked.

“No. I should have, I know, but I heard he had a girl and I panicked, and I got hurt and it was just too much,” signed Sam. His hands moved frantically. She could see how frustrated he was.

“So, you got hurt, and then you hurt him, and now you’re both sad and hurt and living shitty lives. Right?”

“He’s probably living it up with that girl,” Sam signed. “It’s Grizz. He probably is off living the best life possible, and I decided I didn’t want to be a part of it because I’m shitty and jealous and awful. I fucked up.”

***

Becca wanted to tell him he was wrong, but she knew she couldn’t lie to him. She looked at her phone, seeing the conversation she’d had with Grizz the day before.

_Man-Bear: Have fun with Sam at the dance tomorrow_

_Bex: Who are you going with???? And I don’t think Sam will be much fun tbh_

_Man-Bear: Michiko Akiyama, she’s in Japanese with me_

_Man-Bear: She and I went to NYC Pride last weekend_

_Man-Bear: Why won’t Sam be fun???_

_Bex: Bc he’s been mopey all week_

_Man-Bear: Why????_

_Man-Bear: Did he tell you he cancelled tutoring ASL????_

_Man-Bear: I know he was doing it for free and everything and I really appreciated that he was doing it for me but like_

_Man-Bear: I am so confused as to what his deal is right now??? Do you know???_

She paused for a second, laughing at how bad Grizz was at not breaking the no-double-texting rule.

_Bex: Lots of questions_

_Bex: He didn’t but that’s probably it tbh_

_Bex: He’s been weird ever since you said you were bringing Michiko_

_Man-Bear: What is he jealous or something? Michiko and I are just friends!!!!_

_Man-Bear: Also warning Michiko wants to dance with you_

_Bex: Why is that a warning_

_Man-Bear: I saw what she’s wearing. IDK if you like girls or not but she is gonna be stunning_

_Bex: Why are you two going as friends then?_

_Man-Bear: omg Bex I literally spent two weeks making a glow in the dark photo pride flag_

_Man-Bear: do I actually have to spell it out?_

_Man-Bear: I literally could not have made it any more obvious_

_Bex: Actually you could have. Sam thinks you’re straight_

_Man-Bear: ??????_

_Man-Bear: I have been staring at him nonstop since he moved in how is that something a normal straight man does???_

_Bex: Wait what_

_Bex: DO YOU LIKE SAM_

_Man-Bear: WHAT DO YOU THINK? I lied to him to get him to teach me sign language so I could spend time with him_

_Bex: WAT_

_Bex: Then why have you been so not-around and everything recently???_

_Man-Bear: I THOUGHT SAM DIDN’T WANT ME AROUND WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE AROUDN???_

_Man-Bear: AROUND*_

_Man-Bear: ok unrelated question – is this the winter dance, the autumn dance or the Halloween dance_

_Bex: this is autumn, Halloween is in two weeks, winter dance is after finals I think_

_Man-Bear: who the fuck thought we wanted this many dances why is this a thing_

_Bex: Back to the actual issue here – you thought Sam didn’t want you around????_

_Man-Bear: he told me he was done tutoring and got up and left like what else was I supposed to think???_

They had texted for almost two more hours after that, Grizz explaining everything to Becca. She couldn’t believe how hurt Grizz had been. She couldn’t stop thinking about the last thing he’d sent.

_Man-Bear: I started learning sign language to talk to him, and I just signed up for the next semester because I was going to ask him to the dance and mean it, like I want to actually get fluent in this language because he’s a great roommate and fun to be around but also I like want to maybe live with him as more than a roommate some day or like at least live with him as like a permanent roommate for fucks sake literally all I wanted was to ask him to the dance and now I’m going with a girl who wants to probably make out with you because she was stalking your social media yesterday and he wont talk to me and this is so fucked up and I am way too drunk Michiko had sake and we drank a lot and this is rambling fuck I need sleep_

***

“Yeah Sam, you really did fuck up.”


	7. Sk8er Boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fall Dance. Enough said.
> 
> //  
> About time.

No one quite believed the outfit Grizz had chosen to wear to prom. He walked in, in a hideous mint green shirt, sweat pants, and a black-bow tie with yellow circles. He looked ridiculous, yet very on-brand.

His date, however, was stunning. Dressed in a jet-black dress with light green stripes down the side, every inch of fabric accentuated her figure. She wore earrings made of jade the same colour as her dress, and her long black hair, done up in a stylistically messy bun, had a green streak through it. She looked presentable, put-together, and stunning.

Grizz had been right. Becca couldn’t take her eyes off of the other girl. Neither could anyone else. Helena was the first to say anything. “Fuck. Wow. Okay. Fuck. I’m underdressed, shit.”

She had worn an old formal dress, like most other women in the crowd. That had been the theme of the dance – _High School, but Make It Glam_. She had thought she’d done a good job with the cocktail dress she’d worn to her first dance with Luke. Extra emphasis on the past.

The pair walked over Grizz’s roommates. It was quite a sight – Grizz looked… Well, to be honest, Sam thought, he looked more Grizz than he’d ever looked before. The woman with him was an addition he hadn’t quite expected. If that was the level that Grizz was dating on, Sam had no chance. Also, if that was the level Grizz was dating on, then why the hell was Grizz wearing that?

Everyone stood there, taking them in. It was, admittedly, a lot to take in. Michiko reached into her clutch and pulled out a flask. In one quick, fluid motion, she somehow opened the flask, took a swig, and gave it to Grizz. He took two big gulps, before giving it back.

“Nihonshu,” he explained. That word meant nothing to them, though.

“Sake. He means sake,” his date clarified.

“Shit, yeah. Oh, right. Everyone, this is Michiko Akiyama. She’s in my Japanese class.”

Everyone stood there, staring. Luke was the first person to say anything. “Nice to meet you, Michiko. I’m Luke, and this is my girlfriend, Helena.”

“Nice tie, and that dress is stunning. Blue, purple, and pink? I see what you did there,” she said with a wink.

“You must be Becca,” she said next. “That makes you Sam, and you two are Clark and Jason, right?”

Clark and Jason both nodded, their dates very annoyed at just how long they’d been staring.

“Nice to meet you all. We’re going to go find a table but find us! And Becca,” she added, “save me a dance?”

With that, she was gone.

Sam turned to Becca. “What the hell? Also, what the actual fuck was Grizz wearing?”

***

Although none of the boys had recognized it, Grizz was wearing the same thing he’d worn to the senior class dance. No one else was willing to go, so he’d gone alone and danced like an idiot. He didn’t really care at that point – it was two weeks before prom, there were maybe twenty people there, and he would never see them again.

They were all at this dance. Grizz had been sober when he went to that dance – he was definitely not sober at this dance. He had had way too much sake – even Michiko realized she should probably cut him off, and it had been her idea to go to the dance drunk. She hadn’t even wanted to go, but when Grizz told her that he had told his friends he had a date, she knew that she couldn’t back out. So, she decided she’d black out.

She never drank to the point of losing that much control, though. She was always calm, composed, and stunning – before she left in the morning, regardless of where she was going, she made sure she looked good enough to kill.

She watched Grizz, hopelessly staring at Sam. She watched Sam, hopelessly staring at Grizz. She watched as somehow, their eyes never met. It was painful to watch – especially knowing how badly Grizz wanted to be dancing with Sam.

“Are you going to talk to him,” she asked him, speaking in Japanese. She liked practicing her native language, and she’d gotten Grizz to the point where he was decently able to talk. She needed someone to shit-talk people in Japanese with, and he was the perfect candidate. He was a great student, too – she imagined that if he was that good at Japanese in such a short time, then he must be amazing at ASL. He had lived with his tutor.

“No, he’s not interested.”

Michiko stared at the ceiling. She felt bad for the poor souls who’d have to get all the balloons down from this gymnasium. “You’re ridiculous. I’m fixing this, now.”

She paused, before adding, “キスしてください, this is stupid.”

_Kiss, please._ Grizz would have loved to – if only Sam hadn’t abandoned him.

***

Michiko walked directly up to Sam and Becca, who were standing on the other side of the gym. She hadn’t planned out what she was going to say – she never really planned anything. She hadn’t planned this outfit, she hadn’t planned to bring sake, and she hadn’t planned to fix the world. She just did.

“Hi, we met earlier. I’m Michiko and you’re stunning, would you like to dance,” she asked Becca.

Becca didn’t really know what to say – she just nodded. Grizz had warned her about this, but that didn’t mean she’d been ready for it. Sam was surprised, but he couldn’t help but feel happy for her.

“And you,” she said, turning to Sam. “Go talk to Grizz. You two have both been staring at each other all night, and if I have to watch that massive dork make sad eyes at you for one more minute, I’m going to be sick. There’s a balcony, go use it.”

Sam stood there, unsure if he’d read her lips correctly. He turned to Becca, who translated it for him, laughing. Yes, he had understood every word. She gave him a small push – and it looked like Michiko gave him a wink. Why was Grizz’s girlfriend dancing with Becca, and why was she pushing for him to talk to Grizz? Sad eyes? Sam couldn’t make sense of anything.

He looked back, watching Becca slowly get into position for a slow dance. She looked happy – no, she looked absolutely radiant. He was glad for her. Walking up to Grizz, however, he was not glad for himself.

“Hey,” he started.

“Hey.”

“Can we go talk somewhere? Like on the balcony?”

***

“Can I just ask, what the actual fuck did I do,” Grizz asked. The pain in his voice was evident – it was also plastered all over his face. Sam hadn’t wanted to face that pain. He had wanted to pretend that he hadn’t caused it.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Then why the silent treatment? Why just getting up and leaving?”

Sam didn’t know how to respond. Did he try and think up an answer that wouldn’t force him to face his feelings, or did he speak from the heart?”

“I’m not mad, Sam. I’m just… Confused? Hurt? I don’t even know.”

Sam couldn’t bear it. “I didn’t want to come to the dance and watch you dance with some girl.”

“What?”

“I didn’t want to watch the guy I have feelings for dance with some woman who’s better than me and I didn’t want to feel stupid for falling for a straight guy, okay? It was going to happen anyway, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to watch it happen.”

“What? Sam, Michiko and I… that’s never going to be a thing. Look inside.”

Becca had her hand wrapped around Michiko’s head, lips firmly pressed together. Sam’s brain did not know what to do with this information. Grizz had come with a woman… who had come to steal the woman he came with?

“She’s not into guys.”

“So, you’re straight, and she’s lesbian?”

“You’re really not getting this, Sam.”

“What,” Sam asked, thoroughly confused.

“I came here with a girl, because she wanted to flirt with Becca. I came here with her, because I do not like girls. I am gay. I spent two weeks making a rainbow flag out of pictures for my dorm room. I like guys. I like men. This isn’t an Avril Lavigne song, but can it get any more obvious? Seriously, I like guys.”

“Wait, you’re gay? And you’re not with her?”

“She’s making out with your date, I don’t think she’s all that interested in me. Sam, I literally started majoring in sign language because I wanted to ask you to this dance.”

“This dance specifically? I’m sorry, what?”

Grizz stared directly into Sam’s eyes. “Sam Eliot, I need you to teach me one more sign.”

“What,” Sam asked. What did that have to do with this conversation? What was going on?

“How do you sign ‘kiss me’?”

***

Luke and Helena watched from the window as Sam reached out to Grizz, finally pressing his lips against the taller boy’s.

“Took them long enough,” said Helena.

Luke laughed in agreement. He’d watched them stare at each other, hopelessly infatuated. “About damn time.”

He thought for a moment. “I have never been more grateful that Grizz has his own room. I don’t want to have to sleep on that sofa.”

Helena looked at her boyfriend, unable to suppress a laugh. “Looks like we will have your room to ourselves tonight, won’t we?”

He pressed a kiss against her lips. “Looks like it.”


	8. Dance Apocalyptic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t talk. I sign. That’s kind of my thing,” Sam said, a mischievous smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't really tell where I wanted to go with this chapter, but I really wanted to go back to this fic and continue the story. Please, let me know what you think! The good, the bad, the awkward (this is Grizzam we're talking about) - I want to hear it all!!

Between the first dance and the time Halloween had rolled around, Sam had slept in his own bed twice. He knew this, because those were the only two nights that Helena had not slept over. She had more or less moved in with Luke – he didn’t mind though. He had a massive, cuddly teddy bear to fall asleep with every night. He had his own Grizz-ly bear.

The dorm bed was small – Sam regularly wished that their school would spend more money on big beds, and less money on dances. The financial decisions of the university were incredibly confusing to Sam, if not disturbing. Their school had a lazy river in the gym, but they couldn’t afford normal-sized beds? However, as much as he wanted to complain, an excuse to push himself up against Grizz was always welcome. He was very glad today was a Saturday, because it meant that he could spend all day pressed up against Grizz.

It had come to his attention that he and Grizz had spent a lot of time in Grizz’s bed, and almost as much time kissing, cuddling, or staring into each other’s eyes; however, he and Grizz had not talked about what _this_ was. It seemed like a simple step, but Sam wanted to enjoy the beauty of simple formalities. He really wanted to watch Grizz call him his boyfriend – Sam couldn’t enjoy the sound of the words, but he didn’t really care. He already knew Grizz cared for him, but he wanted everyone else to know, too.

He felt Grizz stir underneath him – Sam used Grizz’s chest as a pillow. _“_ Grizz is really comfy, okay,” he’d told Becca, right after she’d walked in on them together. He was grateful that he and Grizz hadn’t gone any farther than cuddling, if he was being honest. Becca walked into Grizz’s room without warning _far too frequently_. It wasn’t an issue now, but what if she did it while neither of them had pants on? Sam made a mental note to talk to Grizz about locking his door, for once.

“Hey there,” Grizz signed, staring at Sam, very clearly not awake yet.

Sam reached over and kissed his pillow. He’d done it thousands of times before, at home. This time, though, his pillow kissed back. “Hey,” he signed, smiling, before the taste of Grizz’s mouth in the morning sunk in. “Oh shit, go brush your teeth.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Grizz said. Sam could feel his laughter – he loved feeling Grizz’s laugh.

“I don’t talk. I sign. That’s kind of my thing,” he said, a mischievous smile on his face.

He could feel the groan underneath him.

***

Sam couldn’t help but feel like a rebel, wearing his pyjamas to the cafeteria. He felt a bit ridiculous – the little pumpkins on his pants made him feel like he was a freshman in high school. Then again, high school freshman Sam hadn’t kissed Grizz. He thought his younger self would be proud of himself now – living the real dream. He was at a residential college, he was wearing pumpkin pants, and he got to wake up next to Grizz every morning.

Sitting next to Luke, Helena, and Grizz, he realized that this was nowhere near how he’d planned for his life to go. If he was being completely honest with himself, he could never have imagined life would be this good.

Becca and Michiko walked up, followed shortly thereafter by Clark and Jason. Gwen, Clark’s girlfriend, was nowhere to be seen.

“No Gwen today?”

He looked at his breakfast, looking sad. “She broke up with me, and she told me she couldn’t date toast,” he said, dejectedly.

“No, she said she couldn’t date someone dumber than toast,” Jason corrected.

“At least I’m not dumber than bread,” he sighed.

Grizz asked, “Clark, what do you think toast is?”

***

Michiko stood in the mirror, doing her hair. She was going for the glam-witch aesthetic, but she was having trouble getting the witch part down. She cursed her genetics – how dare she be born beautiful? She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the thought. She was confident, but sometimes, she couldn’t stand herself.

Becca was in the bathroom, and it sounded like she had a very upset stomach. She’d been needing to run to the restroom with a terrifying regularity. Michiko had wanted to pretend she hadn’t heard the sound of vomit coming from the bathroom, but it had become too frequent to ignore. When her date finally came out and brushed her teeth, Michiko couldn’t help but stare at her date.

“What’re you staring at?”

“Becca, this is the fourth time you’ve had to go puke this week,” Michiko said. “Is everything okay? You can talk to me, you know.”

“It’s probably just the flu or food poisoning,” she protested.

“Rebecca Gelb, I have had the same food you have and I have had my tongue down your throat more times than I can count this past week. We both know it’s none of the above. Girl, talk to me. I can’t be here for you if you won’t let me, okay?”

“Listen, you have to promise not to tell anyone, okay? Not even Grizz.”

“I managed to stay in the closet for eighteen years. Honey, I can keep a secret – and turn a look,” she said, twirling in her witch costume. Becca had to admit, she looked good.

“Alright, well…”

***

On the other side of campus, Sam, Grizz, and Helena couldn’t stop laughing at how ridiculous Luke looked. Helena had agreed to go as a football player – she wore Luke’s old pads and helmet, looking as intimidating as a five-year-old who’d put on her brother’s gear. He had chosen to go as a cheerleader, wanting to pretend to cheer Helena on. He’d convinced Clark and Jason to go as cheerleaders as well – Grizz too. Grizz had the legs for it, but Luke decidedly did not.

Sam couldn’t help but appreciate how ridiculously good Grizz looked, even in the miniskirt and crop top ensemble he’d put together. Sam wondered where Grizz got the miniskirt. This man was full of mystery.

“So, Grizz, Sam,” Helena started. “What’re you two going as?”

What a ridiculous question – did she not see Grizz dressed as a cheerleader? Sam was wearing Grizz’s football jacket, going as a jock. “Um, Grizz is going as a cheerleader, and I’m going as a jock.”

“That’s not what she’s asking,” Luke clarified.

“Um, we hadn’t talked about that yet,” Grizz said.

“Well, get talking then!” Helena got up, dragging Luke towards the door. She turned her head, giving both boys a warm smile – and Sam could have sworn she winked at him before closing the door behind her.

“So…”

“Yeah. So… I mean, I was kind of wondering myself,” said Grizz.

“You were?”

“Totally.”

“I… Okay, same.”

“Well, what do you want to go as,” Grizz asked.

“Well, what if we went together? Like, dating together?”

“Like, boyfriends-type together?”

“I mean, that definitely does sound nice,” Sam said.

Sam couldn’t help but feel like they were talking around the question, both of them too nervous to ask it. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, date my ass already,” Grizz blurted out.

“But what if I want to date the rest of you, too? Like, it’s a great ass, but I like those lips,” Sam said, laughing.

“Okay, then be my boyfriend and date all of me,” Grizz said. The smile on his face made Sam melt.

Sam didn’t bother giving Grizz an answer, choosing instead to pull him close for a kiss.

“I’m really glad that worked out, because I have spent way too much time in your bed to be comfortable going as friends.”

“I’ve spent way too much time underneath you while you were in my bed to feel comfortable going as friends.”

***

The dance itself was fine. Sam couldn’t help but stare at Grizz, rocking his short top and shorter skirt. He’d never thought miniskirts were sexy, until now. If he kept staring, he would have a very personal problem that he did not want to deal with in public – his pants were tight enough that he would not be able to keep it a secret, either. To deal with the issue, he decided to stare at the other three former football players.

They looked all dolled up, if those troll figures counted as dolls. Sam had to give them credit though – they were as confident as they were hideous. He saw Becca and Michiko behind the boys, walking up to them. Becca looked beautiful, dressed as Glinda. Elphaba was a good look on Michiko – she could find a way to pull anything off, really.

The girls joined the group, and everyone started dancing. Grizz held him close during a slow song, and he almost thought he’d pass out. He saw some people staring at them, but he couldn’t be bothered to deal with others’ opinions. He was in heaven, in the arms of his man. About halfway through the dance, Becca came up to him.

“Hey Sam, do you mind getting punch with me?”

“Sure,” he signed back.

Once they got to the punch table, he realized that Becca had a much more serious look on her face. “Sam, I need to tell you something.”


	9. Love On Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! SO - warning! There is reference to sexual assault here. Or rather, the language used to talk around assault. No one gets assaulted, but either way, I want to give that warning, just in case.

“She’s okay with us talking about this, right?”

“Yeah, she said it was fine.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Um… that’s a very good question. Short answer, probably not.”

“I don’t like the short answer. What’s the long answer?”

“She got pregnant after graduation, and she knows who the dad is, but she doesn’t want anyone to know. Michiko, you, and I are the only people who know she’s pregnant. The dad doesn’t know, and she doesn’t want him to know, either. She’s due… we don’t actually know when. Michiko is taking her to get checked out by a doctor, and then she’s going to figure out if she actually wants to keep the kid or not. She’s kind of freaking out, and she’s terrified about the thought of being a mom, but I think mostly she feels guilty.”

“Wait, guilty? Did she… Was she not on board with having sex?”

“No, she made it very clear that she wasn’t... She said yes. She was okay with it. Nothing like that.”

“Okay, good.”

“She just feels bad about keeping it a secret, I think. It sounded like she’s done her best to pretend she wasn’t pregnant, and I think she feels guilty about how terrified she is. Like, she’s not really one to be vulnerable, and the fact that all of this is happening is making her feel weak, I guess? I don’t think she really understands what’s going on, so I’m kind of clueless,” Sam said, hanging his head.

Grizz stared at his boyfriend – that was a new thing, getting to think of him as his boyfriend. Sam’s face was red, and it was clear that something was wrong. “So, how do you feel then?”

“What?”

“How do you feel?”

“That doesn’t really matter, I’m not the pregnant one.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

“She’s your best friend. You’re allowed to have feelings about this too.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s your person, right? Like, the person you tell everything to, the person you trust with everything.”

It wasn’t a question, but Sam said, “Yeah.” His voice sounded small, and Grizz couldn’t ignore how sad he sounded.

“So, how do you feel? Because, you sound sad. So, talk to me.”

“What?”

“Talk.”

**

Sam wasn’t expecting Grizz to want to know how he was feeling. The truth was, Sam wasn’t used to Grizz being there – physically, he was used to Grizz’s hugs, his kisses, the way he always repositioned himself to make his lips readable. He was amazing at making Sam feel held and cared for. It was the emotional aspect of having Grizz around that Sam wasn’t used to.

Sam was constantly amazed at how dedicated Grizz was to Sam’s emotions. The first time that things had begun to progress beyond simple kisses, Sam had begun to get nervous – suddenly, everything stopped. When he asked what happened, Grizz simply responded that Sam seemed uncomfortable. He hadn’t said anything – truth be told, Sam wasn’t sure that he would have trusted himself to say anything, too scared that Grizz would be frustrated, or that Grizz wouldn’t want to be around him if he wasn’t going to put out. Grizz had simply _known_. More than that, Grizz had stopped, had smiled at Sam, and had told him that they should watch a movie instead. Moments like that, where Grizz simply _knew_ , were becoming more and more frequent. Sam wondered if, at some point, they’d ever get to the point where they wouldn’t have to talk. Where they’d simply know.

As little as Sam wanted to acknowledge it, he felt hurt that Becca hadn’t told him. He knew that, logically, he didn’t have the right to be so emotionally invested in the process. Sam wasn’t the father – as much as he loved Becca’s personality, he was incredibly not attracted to her. He was just her best friend… and shouldn’t best friends share things like that? He hadn’t even been the first person to find out. He hated himself for it, but he felt crushed.

He didn’t know how to tell Grizz that he felt betrayed, until the word slipped out. With that came a flood of guilt – he wasn’t allowed to feel betrayed. He stared at Grizz, waiting for the other man to tell him to quit being stupid, or to leave, or to realize that he wasn’t worth the effort. Instead, Grizz gave him a big hug, and when he pulled away, he told Sam that was okay.

It prompted a very long conversation, where they debated whether or not the emotions Sam was feeling were valid or not. Much to Sam’s surprise, Grizz argued vehemently that Sam was allowed to feel however he wanted, regardless of how ridiculous those feelings made him feel. Sam couldn’t really argue with Grizz – unbeknownst to him, Grizz had been on the debate team and was one of the best. He’d even made nationals. Twice.

“Okay, so are you done beating yourself up over the fact that you have feelings?”

Sam stared at Grizz, amazed at how easily Grizz accepted the feelings that Sam rejected. “I guess.”

“And do you understand that your feelings are valid?”

“No… but yeah.”

“And are you going to stop being an idiot?”

“Probably not.”

“Good,” Grizz signed, and he wrapped his boyfriend in a tight embrace. “Don’t change. But, like… don’t hate yourself, either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone!  
> I'm really sorry that it's taken me so long to write this chapter. I've wanted to do it for awhile, but I wasn't sure how to do it right... and then my laptop broke. I'm also about to begin the process of moving, but I am going to try and set updates weekly. It's in my calendar now! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading along, and I promise that the next chapter will be a decent amount longer. I love writing in this little world, but I have been having writers' block, coupled with the worry that I wouldn't be able to write a chapter that did justice to the story. I hope you all enjoy this short little thing. Even if I don't get my laptop fixed in time, I'm going to find away to get back to writing more. Thanks <3


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